Pillow Peeper Show
by PillowPeeper
Summary: Welcome to the Pillow Peeper show! Where you can ask all your favorite Wammy Boys all sorts of questions! This isn't just your average interview! WARNING: Contains YAOI, and an actual plot, along with interactive questions.
1. Golden Rules

Hello! And Welcome to the PillowPeeper show! With your lovely host, Pillow!

**Pillow:** It's great to be here, everyone, today we have something very special planned, we have an exclusive interview with our lovable Wammy boys! L, Near, Mello, Matt, and Backup!

**B:** BEYOND!

**Pillow:** Shh Backup... The grownups are talking. Anyways, the viewers will ask all the questions, and you all will answer honestly and nicely.

**Mello:** I object...

**Pillow:** Silence. I will now apply the rules...

Rule #1: To ask a question, use the review method. Please don't private message me. When you want to ask multiple questions, number your questions, and so I know who you're talking to, address them first. Also, if you want to question multiple people in your review, make sure you label your questions and who your talking to, that way it will be easier for me to set the questions up.

Rule #2: Our Wammy Boys will answer ANY question, but will not go into major detail about their personal sex life with each other. -Wink Winky- You can ask, but there won't be a major lemon or anything. Remember this is T-Rated! Let's keep the suggestive themes minor.

Rule #3: Please, no feeding the Wammy boys, L, Mello, and Backup are unable to focus on the viewers when feeding, and it's not even a valid question or statement.

Rule #4: Let us be literate. If I can't read your question then I won't be able to pass it on to one of our lovely Wammy boys. Hurray for proper grammar use!

And Rule #5: Your statement doesn't necessarily need to be a question, but it must be something our Wammy boys can actually respond to. Please no something like,

_Stupid Viewer: Mello-Dono! I'm watching Tv right now!_

_ Mello: Wonderful. _

Let's give them something to actually talk about.

(**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Now that I've stated the rules, I would like to promise a few things, so you know that this won't just be another boring interview.

The Wammy boys will answer truthfully and in-character. I will not just be another fan answering questions. I will answer as if taking on the role of each character, and how I feel as they would truly respond. Make no mistake, this is all in good fun, but so you can have fun too, I will play these roles seriously and how they would actually answer. I can't do it perfectly, but I will try my hardest. That is concluding my author's note. I will now get us warmed up, by asking a simple question to each Wammy boy!)

**Pillow:** So L, what would be your favorite type of music?

**L:** Well, I don't listen to music. I've got better things to attend to.

**Pillow:** Okay cool. Anyways, Near, judging by the amount of toys I had to confiscate before the show, you seem to have a love for all sorts of toys, do you ever have any favorites?

**Near:** -Twirls hair- I'm quite glad you asked, no, I never have a loyalty to one special toy, though my favorites would be the ones I put together myself, mainly my robots.

**Mello:** -Snickers loudly-

**Pillow:** Mello please. Near how interesting, good of you to share.

**Near:** Thank you. I am now ready for another question.

-Awkward silence-

**Pillow:** Um. Well, I'm only asking warm-up questions... we'll just leave that up to the viewers.

**Mello:** -Laughs obnoxiously- This guy... has more arrogance than Hulk Hogan.

**Matt:** -Snickers-

**Pillow:** SILENCE! I KILL YOU! Moving on... Backup-

**B:** BEYOND!

**Pillow:** Yeah sure, whatever. Did you try exceptionally hard to creep out Naomi Misora, or did it come naturally?

**B:**Whatever do you mean? I didn't creep her out...

**Pillow:** I guess it came naturally, never mind then. So Matt! Tell me, when Mello sexually punishes you, what is the cause?

**Matt:** -Jawdrop- I'm sorry... what?

**Pillow:** Whenever Mello sexually tortures you, what is usually the reason behind it?

**Mello**: -Hands Matt card with words on it-

**Matt:** 'Mello. Does. Not. Do...' Mello, what's that word?

**Mello:** -Leans over- That would be, 'such' sorry that 'H' doesn't look too good...

**Matt:** Oh okay, 'Such. Things.'

**Pillow:** Alright... So Mello.

**Mello:** So Pillow.

**Pillow:** Please, call me Pillow. So tell me, how do you feel about your hideous disfiguration?

**Mello:** I beg your pardon?

**Pillow:** Well, I mean, you can't miss it... That ugly disgusting blemish. Do you feel it makes you more of a man, even though it doesn't?

**Mello: **WELL! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW-

**Pillow:** Annnnd we're all out of time, please, let the questions flow! I look forward to hearing from all of you wonderful viewers! Until next time! PillowPeeper, out! -Salutes-

~Show closes~

"AND CUT!" The director screamed, and the cameras and microphones all backed away.

"Well!" I turned to smile at my guests, "That was a good round. You four geniuses, five if you include Backup, did a good job. I hope you're all ready for the coming questions, those viewers don't play around-" My guests didn't look too happy. "...Guys?"

"GET IT!" Mello screamed, grabbing me by the neck and wringing it viciously. That man wasn't very thrilled with me.

"Gack!" I clawed at his fingers, "S-Stop!"

"You stupid pillow! You made me look like a fool in front of all those people! I'm number two, but now this?" He shook me until Backup pulled him away gently.

"It's okay, Mihael. I'm number two, too! And just look how I turned out!" He beamed, red eyes slightly crazed.

"OH GOD!" Mello burst into a sob, and ran away screaming.

"Master! I-I mean Mello!" Matt cried, chasing after the blond.

L, Near, and Backup gave me a glare before following the others back to their hotel rooms, which were also connected to the studio.

I plopped down on my special interviewing chair, heaving a loud exhausted sigh. What was a pillow like me to do?

* * *

**Well! What an interesting start! Please! Go ahead and bring on the questions! I look forward to it. **


	2. Insanity

Hello! And welcome to the PillowPeeper show! With your lovely host, Pillow!

**Pillow:** -Gulps- Hello everyone! It's great to be here! As you know, we have the Wammy boys up for a fun filled interview! Let's see... -Shuffles papers- I've got a few questions. We'll start with the first set of questions from, _Nolz_. I'll read down the list, and you all will answer individually.

_"1. Near, um... Never mind can't think of one ."_

**Near:** Well, then... I can think of a few questions to ask. Don't you want to know-

**Pillow:** Near... You have other questions. We'll answer those later.

**Near: **Fine...  
**Pillow:** And we have a question for Matt, it reads:  
_"2. Matt, why did you call mello master?"_

**Matt:** I didn't call him master. You heard wrong. Right Mello?

**Mello:** -Pinches the bridge of his nose- Correct Matt...

**Pillow:** No... I disagree, -holds up recorder and plays Matt's voice back-

**Matt:** Well, you see... -Glances nervously at Mello- It's just an...

**Mello:** -Whispers- Inside joke. It was an inside joke.

**Matt: **An inside joke. Best friends have those.

**Pillow:** More like a sadist and his slave kinda inside joke.

**Mello:** Why you little brat of a pillow-

**Pillow:** And we have a question for Backup! It reads:  
_"3. Backdrop or whatever your name is, how much do you like jam?"_

**B:** It's Beyond! Backdrop... Don't make me laugh. -Initiates shinigami laugh and sharpens knife sneakily-

**Pillow:** No weapons on set, Backup. Now answer the question please.

**B:** Well, I enjoy jam quite a lot. But it's not just the jam. I love all sugary foods. L... you still like sugary foods right?

**L:** Quite so. But it's not my turn to be inter-

**B:** Yes, I like all sweet foods. It just isn't the jam. All the foods you've seen L eat, I do too. Because I'm like L, only better.

**Pillow:** Please stay on topic, Backup. And now the last question by _Nolz _for Mello is,  
_"4. __Mello, or Michel Keehl, I AM KIRA! How do you feel about that?" _

**Mello:** -Eyes widen- Kira? Well, -grabs Nolz's arm- I got to Kira first, Near. This means I'm number one!

**Near:** Mello...

**Pillow:** Well, now how about we move onto the next set of questions, this one is from a viewer named, EvatriceChan! She has a question for Mello, here it is: _"Hiyyaa I have a question for __Mello Mello, do you like __scary movies__? If so, which one is your favorite? Thank you for your time, godbless!" _

**Mello:** I love scary movies. Even though there has never been one that has truly ever been able to frighten me. -Smirks- But if I had to choose between all of the horror movies, I've seen, I suppose it would be Frankenstein. Not that it was necessarily scary, but because I'm a sucker for the classic movies, plus, it had a very good plot.

**Pillow:** -Horror face- Gee, thanks _EvatriceChan_ for getting Mello to just talk nonstop. Blah blah... no one cares if you think Frankenstein was cool or not, Mello... Now, I have a few questions from a viewer going by the name of, _TwilightWindWaker_.

_" 1. Mello- If you had to choose between being number one and chocolate, which  
would you choose?"_

**Mello:** Number one. Definitely. When I rule the world I can have anything I want. So that means it's a win win for me. -Wink-

**L:** Mello-Kun. I hadn't realized that you had such horrible thoughts. I'm worried. -Glances nervously at B-

**B:** It's okay, L. Mello will be fine. The second successors will always live on. We will always be greater. -Grins cheerfully-

**L:** -Bites lip and scoots away-

Pillow: Alright... next question... This one is for Near. Hey look Near, people actually care!_  
"2. Near: Where do you get all of those dominoes? Do they come in packages of 150  
or something?" _

**Near:** Well actually whenever I want new toys, I either make Roger or Rester get them for me. But when I do get them, they usually come in tightly packed bags of 50. All perfectly coordinated. Any other ques-

**Pillow:** ANYWAYS! Backpack, next question is for you.

**B:** What did you call me? _  
"3. Backu- I mean Beyond: I never heard you mentioned in the anime nor the manga.  
What did you do to make yourself so... *shudders* loved."_

**B:** Well, I'm quite glad you asked. I starred beautifully in the prequel novel, Death Note: Another Note. I was mentioned once in the anime and manga. When L learns that Naomi Misora has gone missing he mentions that she was working under him in the Los Angeles BB murder case. Which was muah. Why I'm so loved? Well, it's only obvious. I'm better than L in every shape and form, even though I love him dearly... I am better and the fans know it to be true.

**Pillow:** Hah! … Pardon me. Wonderful Backstrap. Next question goes to Matt. _  
"4. Matt: Your __favorite game system__?" _

**Matt:** Probably Xbox 360. Or Wii. Or PSP... Or...

**Mello:** Matt, just say which system that makes the most of your favorite games.

**Matt:** Of course. Mello... -blinks dreamily- You're always right.

**Mello:** Oh you.

**Matt:** -Blushes- Well, if I had to choose, I'd say Xbox 360. Mello can we go home now?

**Pillow:** Last question from _TwilightWindWaker_! This one goes to L. _  
"5. L: How do you eat so much candy while not doing anything and stay so thin! I'm  
jealous!" _

**L:** Ah, the usual weight question. I've got quite the high matabolism. Plus, all the brain power I put in to solve mind blowing cases, I never gain a pound.

**B:** -Shrieks- TO BE CLEAR. I USE MORE BRAIN POWER THAN L, AND I EAT MORE SUGAR THAN L. I AM ALSO THINNER AND SEXIER. The end.

**Pillow:** Zip it, Backup.

**B:** -Glowers-

**Pillow:** Okay, we have one last question before we wrap up this show, from _.Heart_. Well, this one's a bit interesting, and it's also to all of you.

**Matt:** Uh oh.

**Pillow:** From .Heart we have, _"What ** mind do you have to have to come up with such ridiculous names like you people have for yourselves? All of you make up your own aliases, and Matt is the only one who decided to pick an ACTUAL name and not some ** made up by a 6 year old. (not saying I favor Matt) Am I wrong? I mean, who comes up with L as a name? That's a letter, innit? And Beyond Birthday? What's your sister's name? Past __Christmas? What the **? I have the justification behind Near's alias, something that makes sense- Nate River- The first two and last two letters of his name spell Naer, and that ** wasn't gonna work out (obviously). And L's real name is Lawliet, so that is either laziness or justification, I guess... But Mello is just a hot ghetto mess. Where the ** did he get that? That's the exact opposite of what he is anyway, that ** is not the cool in cucumber, if you know what I mean."_

**L, Near, Mello, Matt, Backup:** -Jawdrop-

**Pillow:** I like her.

**L:** It's obvious you already know my name so allow me to explain... My name is L Lawliet. I don't really remember my parents, so I'm not sure why they have given the name to me. I've chosen the alias Ryuzaki that was inspired by the BB murder cases.

**B:** YOU STOLE IT FROM ME! Anyways, onto your question, or rather, rant... Make no mistake, Beyond Birthday is not an alias, but my actual name. BACKUP is NOT my real name.

**Pillow:** Suure...

**B:** -Sharpens blade-

**Near:** Yes, I agree. My name is the more reasonable name. Because it's simple, and actually relevant to my real name. Unlike Mello, or Matt...

**Mello:** My name is actually cool. Unlike all of your names, that are dull and plain.

**Pillow:** Not really. My name is pretty cool.

**Mello:** Please... Pillow Peeper? What were you thinking?

**Matt:** -Perches quietly- I'm just going to sit out of this one.

**Pillow:** Oh, so you think Pillow is a dumb name? At least it actually explains who I am! Unlike you! You're not 'mellow' you're fucking insane! And besides, number two is POOP!

**Mello:** -Whips out gun- Why don't you say that again?

**Pillow: **I'll decide against it, and instead read a few of her last statements. The first one, _"__HAIRCUTS. HEARD OF THEM? THEY ARE A REAL EASY WAY FOR PEOPLE TO TELL WHAT GENDER YOU ARE. ALL CAPS IS FUN."_

**Mello:** I have a feeling this one might be directed at me... For the record, my hair is SEXY and everyone thinks so.

**Pillow:** Sure... Anyways, any other comments for _.Hear_t before I read her last statement?

**Everyone:** -Shakes head quietly-

**L:** Wait, I believe my hair is fine the way it is. I actually resemble a male unlike Mello-Kun.

**Mello:** -Blinks quietly-

**Pillow:** Last statement of the day, _"Beyond. Originality. It's there for a reason."_

**B:** That was the last thing I needed to hear. -Gets up-

**Pillow:** SECURITY!

**B:** Where is she?

**Pillow:** Security! Well, that concludes today's show! Thank you soo much for coming! SECURITY!

* * *

"AND CUT!" The director screamed, and once again, the cameras backed away smoothly, but this time, there was a screaming Backup.  
"We need tranquilizers! Someone get them!" I barked angrily, still sitting on my interviewing chair. I glanced nervously at the men sitting next to me, they were on the verge of getting up and leaving.

Backup was going ballistic, screaming, "I AM THE ORIGINAL L!" He threw back his head and howled a frightening laugh, "YOU STUPID PILLOW." He grabbed me.

"H-Hey! Put me down!" I flailed, but felt myself colliding with L's face.

"TAKE THIS L!"

L got up and left, B still swinging me violently in no general direction. Suddenly he stopped, I watched as his eyelids drooped before he crashed on the ground, head resting on me like I was a pillow...

The security guards lifted him up, and carried him away, leaving me with the three current successors.

"Well guys, that was a good first round don't you think?"

They glowered at me before getting up and walking away, shaking their heads and muttering to themselves about how much longer this could go on for.

I scooped up my interviewing papers when a small notecard fell out. It contained a few last questions for today's segment.

"Oh crap!" I ran after the retreating men, I would get Backup later. He wasn't going anywhere other the insane asylum.

"Director, get me a camera and a small set of crew members and follow me!" I flopped down the hallway, luckily, the men weren't far.

I knocked on the door, my camera crew behind me, like my own little posse. I turned around to beam at the camera, "Looks like we're going IMPROV!" I winked, "There's one last review from a late questioner, _Nostalgic Plastic Duck_. Or better known with the cute name of _Ducky_." The door squeaked open behind me, I turned around beaming at a not-so-happy Near.

"Hello Pillow." He grumbled, not bothering to step aside to let me and my men in.

"Heeelllooo Near!" I roared happily, "Say hello to the viewers!" I stepped aside and let the cameraman zoom in on Near.

He blinked at the camera, "Do you need something?"

"Yes! We have some more questions I forgot about. May I come in?"

No answer.

"Come on men!" I pushed past the boy and sat next to Mello on the arm rest.

He leaned away from me angrily, but then a smirk crept over his face, eyes delivering this crazy look.

I ignored it, "Well, I'm sorry for the disruption," I stared at Matt who was playing video games on the floor and L who was staring at the camera crew with annoyance. "But we still have some more questions for you!"

"Great." Mello grumbled, "Allow me to just..." He grabbed me, "make myself comfortable." He shoved me behind his head.

How rude. But I chose to ignore it, and spoke anyways, "Well."

"Pillow." The microphone man said, "Your voice is muffled. The audience can't hear you."

"Mr. Mello, if you would be so kind..."

"Not a chance."

I squirmed and squirmed despite the fact that the blond man was slamming his head back and forth violently. I finally got my face free, "Well! Now."

"Pillow, if you would be so kind as to hurry up and complete your questions." L said quietly, but very impatiently. Near came in, nodding, and sat at L's feet.

I grit my teeth, but held up my note card, "This is from, _Nostalgic Plastic Duck. _Or _Ducky._ She has a few questions, her first is, _"If Kira came screaming pantless through the open window of your bedroom in the middle of the night, what would you do? How would you respond to his explanation that he was 'chased by a sheep'? (You would know he was Kira due to his overlarge pyjama shirt reading 'LOL I'M KIRA' which he states his boyfriend forced him into.)"_

Mello threw his head back and laughed, "Well, I'd shoot him immediately and take his Death Note. Then burn his body." He sobered up, body growing deathly still, I had to lean over to see if he hadn't just frozen, "Only then..." He muttered, glowering at Near and L, "Will I be number one. And rule the worl-" He coughed, "I will be number one... yes."

Everyone stared at him, eyes wide, with a WTF face. That dude needed SERIOUS counsceling...

L spoke up now, "Well, I would capture him and question him until I knew if he really was Kira or not. Only then can I sentence him to death."

The room grew dark, a red tint was added to everything, I looked out of the window to see a man glaring in... even though this was a seven story building...

"Sentence me to death, huh?" He grumbled voice slightly muffled by the window, eyes glowing red, "Ryuzaki, you've got a lot of nerve."

"Security." I sighed, rolling my eyes, "There's a maniac out the window."

"I AM GOD!" He shrieked, but lost his balance and fell.  
"God!" Someone screamed from down below. "God are you alright?"

Near stared at the window, "I thought I got rid of Mikami..."

We all turned to gape at him.

"I mean, I thought he killed himself..." He twirled some hair around his finger, "Well, back to the topic... If that happened to me, I'd just do what L said he would do. Because-"

"Alright, Matt how about you?" I called over to the gamer in the corner of the room.

The man paused his game and turned to face us, "I would kill him. And just give the Death Note to Mello... It doesn't really concern me."

"Wonderful! Well, I have one more question for Matt, before I go visit Backup in the insane asylum. _"Pokemon or Digimon?" _

The man chewed on his cheeks, "I don't really like... either. Why does everyone think I play all the nerdy games out there?"

"We don't think..." I snapped, "We know. Answer the question... I saw you playing both the other day..."

"Pokemon." He grouched, turning back to his Xbox.

"Well! Let's go visit Backseat!" I wriggled out from behind Mello's head, but he grabbed me, an evil smirk growing on his CRAZYFACE!

"Mello. Now is not the time for pillow fights." I squeaked.

"Really?" He pouted before swinging me at Near.

My second pillow fight of the day... great.

Near dodged it smoothly, despite the fact he looked like a little weakling and jumped to his feet, grabbing a couch pillow and held it like a shield.

"Mello, Near. Enough." L said sternly, sipping his tea quietly.

The two stopped immediately, Mello dropping me. He stood in the middle of the room, anger rolling off his form, before stomping over to Matt, grabbing his hair and dragging him off to the bedroom.

"Okay!" I cried, "Let's get out of here!" I smiled at the camera, and ran out of the room when moans and screams emitted from the closed room.

"RUN!" I shrieked, dashing out of the room, my camera men close on my heels, "To Backstreet Boys room!" I ran all the way there, trying to block out the mental image of Mello ravishing his nerdy groupie.

I flew open the door to the plush room, and hobbled over to a confused looking Backup in a straightjacket.

"Hello Beyond!" I smiled at him.

He stared at me warily, "Beyond... that's sudden, but I enjoy that. May I help you?" He seemed like an okay guy if you respected him...

"Well, we have a question for you." I bit my lip, waiting for him to freak, but he just smiled.

"Okay. Go ahead."

"Well... um. This is from a viewer named, _Nostalgic Plastic Duck_, or _Ducky_. She asks, _"Say that you find, upon opening a closet in your latest victim's home, L, hanging upside down from his ankles and gnawing on a jelly doughnut (which, in case you're wondering, he will not share)."_

The recently crazy man beamed warmly and looked straight at the camera, "Well, I would probably ask him if he wants to come down. Surely being hung upside down that long will cause damage to his smart brain."

I blinked, "Okay. Well I guess NOW that concludes this segment. But before we go, I'm sure we're all wondering, Backup, why are you so calm?"

"Backup? Oh." He glanced down, "I was hoping you'd continue to respect my wishes to be called by my real name. But oh well." He grinned, "Well, the nurse gave me some medicine, so I'm feeling a lot better."

"I want in on some of it." I grumbled, "I think I'm going insane myself." I stood up, "Let's get out of here. I want to go take a long, long nap."

"Pillow, the camera is still on."

Oh right. I smiled my best business smile, "Well! That concludes today's show! Untiillll NEXT TIME! Loves and hugs from your friend Pillow! Bring on more questions!"

"And cut." The camera man clicked off the camera, "Have a good one, Pillow."

I collapsed on the plush floor of the insane room and immediately went to bed.


	3. Respect

Hello! And welcome to the PillowPeeper show! With your lovely host, Pillow!

**Pillow:** Well Hello everyone! As you know, our last session wasn't really the greatest... Probably a bit of a disaster... -Scoots away from Backup- But this session should be nice, short and sweet!

**Mello:** Hah!

**Pillow:** Please, let's keep the scornful laughter to ourselves. Thank you. Anyways, first question from _Kyosuke Lawliet! _It reads, _"here's a complete randomquestion for everyone(and please don't hit for it), but who all you all rooting for in the world cup?(i'm just curious what teams you guys perfer)"_

**Near:** Well, I don't enjoy watching sports. But are there any other-

**Pillow:** OKAY THANKS NEAR! How about you L? Who are you rooting for?

**L:** Well, I'm not that much into sports either, but I suppose Netherlands.

**Pillow:** And you Mello?

**Mello:** -Jumps up- GERMANY!

**Matt:** Oh! Germany then.

**Pillow:** Wow. And you Backup... oh wait! -Innocent smile- No one cares!

**Backup:** I'M GOING FOR NETHERLANDS. BECAUSE L IS TOO... AND I KNOW THEY'LL WIN.

**Pillow:** Alright. Did you get taken off your medication?

**Backup:** YES! … Those bastards.

**Pillow:** Great... just great. Anyways. Next question. This one is from _Nostalgic Plastic Duck_, or _Ducky_! And she actually has a question for me! Wow! I feel special. HAH!

**Mello:** But this is for Wammy house kids ONLY. -Grabs _Ducky- _I'M NUMBER ONE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ASK ME QUESTIONS!

**Pillow:** It's like he wants everyone to think he's an asshole.

**Mello:** -Crazyface- EXCUSE ME?

**Pillow:** So -Holds up notecard- Her question for me was, _"And also, what IS up with the name Pillow Peeper? I mean the alliteration is cool, but it sort of made me think you were some kind of stalker. Like Edward Cullen. :)"_

**L:** Yes. I'd like to know the answer to that as well.

**Pillow:** Well... I'm a pillow... But I don't know where the Peeper came from. And no. I'm nothing like Edward Cullen. I don't sparkle, I don't sneak into people's windows, I don't watch people sleep, and I don't draw my abs on my tummy with a sharpie.

**Matt:** Hah! Cullen is such a fag.

**Mello:** Matt. Don't speak out of turn.

**Matt:** Yes.

**Near:** -Raises eyebrows- Mello how do you gain this sort of control over him?

**Mello:** What are you talking about?

**Pillow: **ANYWAYS. _Ducky_ has another question. This one is for L.

**L:** Oh joy.

**Pillow:** Mm yes. It reads, _"Do you have strawberry scented shampoo? I need to know. For science."_

**L:** What a peculiar question. But since it's for science, I will gladly answer. Because every child has the right to scientific knowledge.

**Near:** I agree completely. -Stares at L in awe-

**Pillow:** Creeeepyyy...

**L:** Anyways, I do not have strawberry scented shampoo... Watari buys me my hygenic supplies. And usually I use whatever he gets me. I never really have one specific type of shampoo either. We travel a lot so I have many different types.

**Pillow:** That makes sense. NEXT QUESTION! From, _turtles in neverland. _What an odd name.

**Mello:** You're one to talk.

**Pillow:** Hmph. Anyways, her first question is for Mello. It reads,_ "what is the first thing you're gonna do when you're number one? (I know you is gonna be number one... you work WAYYYY harder than near... meh... i hope i don't sound fangirly...)" _

**Mello:** I think I've discovered my new lover.

**Matt:** -Flings self at Mello's feet- NO MELLO!

**Mello:** Get off.

**Matt:** Yes. Yes, I'm sorry. I apologize.

**Mello:** Anyways, WHEN I become number one, I will rule the world with an iron fist. I will be famous and everyone will grovel at my feet. But the first thing I'll do is kill Near. Because he'd try to stop me.

**Near:** -Twirls hair- I sincerely doubt Mello will become number one. Are there any questions for me, Pillow?

**Pillow:** -Stares at Mello in horror before reading the next notecard- Y-Yeah there is. It's actually the next question she asked, it reads, _"...why is your hair white..? I mean... I know you aren't old or anything... and you don't go out in the sun... so... yeah...?" _

**Near: **A decent question. Well, everyone claims my hair is white, but if you look very closely, it's blonde. Just a very light blonde. And I was born with it. It has nothing to do with my lack of exposure to the sun.

**Pillow: **Oh face it. You've reached old age at 10.

**Near:** I'm actually 19.

**Pillow:** Ew really?

**Near:** Anymore questions-

**Pillow:** Dude... ANYWAYS. Next question, not for you, Near. It's for, Matt! Here: _"what would you do if mello revealed to you that he was actually a girl? (I'm not implying anything, I love mello the way he is! :D... meh... not another fangirly moment...)" _

**Mello:** -Growls- Don't answer that, Matt.

**Matt:** I-I... -Glances around nervously-

**Mello:** I'm sorry, Miss. But he won't be able to answer your question.

**Pillow:** Don't worry, Matt. Mello won't do anything.

**Mello:** You don't know that.

**Matt:** Well, I would probably just love him all the same. Even if his voice was very deep for a girl.

**Mello:** MATT!

**Matt:** Mello! I love you!

**Mello:** -Sneers- Ugh!

**Pillow:** Uh oh. Angry lovers in the hizzay!

**B:** Please... don't do that again.

**L:** You've been quiet, B.

**B:** I know... I'm just thinking...

**Pillow:** -Engages worry face- Oh. Well why don't you share with the audience what you're thinking.

**B:** I'd rather not. -Grins menacingly-

**Everyone:** -Gulps-

**Pillow:** Erm... Next question! Still by _turtles in neverland_! This one is for L! -Flips through note cards- Where is it?

**L:** Oh. I had a snack.

**Pillow:** What?

**L:** I was a bit hungry... Because you don't allow us to be fed and...

**Pillow:** What are you saying?

**L:** I ate the note card.

**Pillow:** You didn't.

**L:** I did.

**Pillow:** Why?

**L:** Because it smelled like candy.

**Pillow: **I thought I said not to feed the animals.

**Mello:** What?

**Pillow:** Wammy... Wammy boys. I said not to feed the Wammt boys.

**Mello:** No you didn't. I heard you. But I'll let it go... For now.

**B:** L, what did the note card taste like?

**L:** Mmm yummy ohagi. My favorite candy.

**B:** Oh! Then it's my favorite too.

**L:** Mm yes...

**Pillow:** Do you know what the question was?

**L:** No.

**Pillow:** Alright then... I'm sorry about that _turtles in neverland_...

**Mello:** Why are you apologizing?

**Near:** Because it's polite, Mello.

**Pillow:** Yes! I'm POLITE PILLOW! MOAR ALLITERATION! YESS!

**Mello:** -Sneers-

**Pillow:** Anyways, the next question is for Backpack.

**B:** -Sighs- Yes.

**Pillow: **It says, _"what did you want to be when you grew up when you were five? (other than be number one...)"_

**B:** Why, a shinigami of course!

**L:** -Falls out of chair and screams-

**Matt: **Haha fail!

**Pillow:** Last question from her for Light: _"what- OH CRAP MY ICECREAM MELTED! NOOOOOOOOO!" _

**Near: **Light Yagami isn't even here...

**Everyone:** -Looks around-

**Light:** THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE WRONG! I AM EVERYWHERE! BECAUSE I'M GOD!

**Pillow:** Ew. Who let that in? Security!

**Light:** Nooooooo! Let go of me! -Rubs against guards- Get off me! Raep! Unn! -Grinds-

**L:** -Sucks thumb excitedly... Apparently getting hot at what's happening-

**Pillow:** -Disgusted face-

**Mello:** -Laughs-

**Matt:** -Stares-

**Near: **-Grins creepily-

**B:** -Licks lips- If L likes it, then I like it even more.

**Pillow:** Ew... Backup... really...

**L: **-Stares at Light-

**B:** I am better than L! -Pulls down pants-

**Pillow:** Whoa! Whoa! Stop!

**Near:** -Stares at B- Hmm... My body becoming sexually aroused.

**Mello:** Ew... Near.

**Matt:** Mine too.

**Mello and Pillow:** …

**Pillow:** This is all Light's fault. Dumb asshole.

**Mello:** I know... He thinks he's so great. I I should have killed him when I had the chance.

**Light:** Unn! -Rubs against security-

**Mello:** He's getting kinda freaky there...

**Pillow:** -Gasps- We're still on air! I forgot! Oh no! Cut! Cut! We'll see y-you next time on the PillowPeeper show! Oh God!

"And cut! That's a wrap everyone!" The cameras pulled away.

"Isn't anyone going to stop this?" I cried, staring in horror as Light was carried off, and all my guests were sexually aroused.

Mello leaned over, "I thought this story was rated T."

"I-It is..." I started crying.

"Wow. Nothing goes your way so you cry?" He smirked.

"WHAT? When nothing goes YOUR way... you blow stuff up and kill people!"

"Yeah... but that's because it solves shit. Crying doesn't solve anything." For a psycho blonde maniac with an inferiority complex, he had a good point.

I sniffed, "Y-You're right. I must put a stop to this. Right now."

"And how are you going to do that?" He asked, quirking a blonde eyebrow.

" I wish I had some sort of weapon."

"I have one." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a gun, "I'm not letting you touch it. But I can help."

"... You aren't supposed to have weapons!"

"You asked for one. I have one. Win win..." He grinned and waved it in my face.

"Alright... fine. Use it to get everyone's attention."

"Sure." He pointed it straight at Near.

"No! You can't hurt anyone!"

"You're such a pussy pillow." He aimed it in the air.

Damn catchy alliteration. "Go ahead." I covered my ears.

_Bang! _

He lowered his gun, and I removed my hands. Everyone had stopped doing whatever they were doing.

"Alright everyone! Please go back to your hotel rooms! I'll see you next session! PLEASE get out of here."

"Alright." Matt grumbled, from his spot on top of Near, stopping in mid-dry-hump.

"Later Pillow." Mello grumbled, shoving his gun in his pants and walked off, dragging Matt behind.

"The rest of you! Thank you for your time! But it would be great if you all got back to your room!"

L nodded, "I was ready to go back anyways. Light-Kun is gone." He pouted around his thumb and left.

"If L's leaving" Backup pulled up his pants, "Then I am too." He left.

Near just sat on the chair, staring at the ground, blushing.

"Near." I smiled sweetly, "Don't you want to follow the others?"

"Pillow. Does this mean I am a homosexual because I am turned on by other males?"

"Yes."

He stood up and left.

"Phew..." That wasn't a good session either. None of these interviewing sessions were turning out like I had hoped.

Why couldn't just a few questions be asked, and then everyone goes home?

And why did I choose the Wammy boys to interview?

I heard footsteps and turned around to see Backpack. Who looked weirder than usual.

"Y-Yes, what is it, Beyond?" I smiled warmly but backed up slowly.

He grinned maliciously, "Oh nothing." He stepped forward, "I just wanted to ask you nicely to RESPECT me from now on. No. I demand respect from you, and all the interviewers. If I get one ounce of disrespect from here on... I'll take you away from everything you know. Lock you up until your time comes and destroy you. The most long and painful death ever."

I gulped, "Of course. You have my complete respect!"

He grinned, a Cheshire cat smirk, and lifted up a boombox that came out of no where.

"Where did you get the boombox?"

He pressed play and set it on the ground.

_What you want? Ooh Baby I got it! What you need? You know I got it. All I'm askin' is for a lil respect when you get home. _

He started to dance around, waving a knife that had miraculously appeared in his hand.

Man... it is going to be SO hard to respect this guy after this!

"Umm..."

He smirked, and kept dancing, shaking his jean-clad rump all around. Bare feet smacking the floor.

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME!" He sang, still dancing around. Then he grabbed his boombox and ran out.

"Wow." I sighed, and sat down on my interviewing chair.

_CLANG! BAM! _

I turned around to see that one of the light rafters had fallen down right behind me.

"Damn Mello." I grumbled.

* * *

**Now we'll start to see more of a plot after this. ^-^;;**

**Ready for the fluff stuff?  
**


	4. Pillownappin'

**Forgive me! D:**

* * *

Hello! And welcome to the Pillow Peeper show! With your lovely host, Pillow!

**Pillow****: **Hello and welcome! As you know, last week was a TOTAL disaster... again. But now, as you can tell, all these guards are here.

**Near:** I don't know if the camera can see me. -Leans around guard-

**Pillow:** Yes Near. -Force smile- Your input on everything is soo fascinating.

**Near:** -Beams- Yes why thank you. I agree completely. There are times when my input is crucial to human life. That is why I will so gladly take the position of L, because I can keep the peace... better. Also, when I go to the dentist she gives me these stickers. -Continues talking-

**Pillow:** Yes, that's awesome, Near. But we should really get back to the questions.

**Near:** But I'm not done.

**L:** Near...

**Pillow:** Okay... now you're out-of-character. If you keep this up, viewers won't like you.

**Mello:** Did you know that none of the fans even like Near? They only like him because he's cute. His Hulk Hogan attitude drives people away.

**Near:** -Twirls hair and smiles cutely- Did you know I'm smarter than L?

**L:** -Blinks-

**Mello:** That's more like it.

**Pillow:** FIRST QUESTION! Coming from, _Kyosuke Lawliet_! Her first question is for Near, it reads, _"well near if you don't know the world cupat least then what do you know?"_

**Near: **Well, I understand that Spain won... -Turns to Matt and Mello-

**Mello:** -Growls- Yeah...

**Pillow:** -Laughs- Well the next card is not a question, but a dare... for Mello and Matt! Oh ho ho!

**Mello:** I can guess what it is.

**Pillow: **From _Kyosuke Lawliet_ we get, _"guys...germany lost..0-1 to spain which means dare time! I dare you guys to paint yourselves in spain's colors!" _

**Mello:** Augh. Okay... Where's the paint?

**Pillow:** I got it right here.

**L:** I want to contribute to the painting! -Procures paintbrush out of nowhere-

**Near:** Me as well.

**Pillow:** Mello, Matt! Shirts off!

**Mello:** -Takes off vest and pants-

**Pillow:** -Blanches- No! Just your shirt!

**Mello:** I don't care. Hey Near come paint my dick.

**L:** Mello that's highly inappropriate.

**Mello:** Oh, I'm sorry L. How about you come do it?

**Matt:** No! I want to do it. -Lunges-

**Pillow: **GUARDS!

**Guard #1 and #6:** -Grabs Matt and gives Mello pants.-

**Pillow: **Please you guys. No profanity! We're supposed to be having fun.

**Mello:** -Swings vest over his head, while pelvic thrusting the air- Who said we're not having fun? And anyways, the fans love it. DON'T YOU LADIES! … And the occasional fanboy!

**Pillow:** Just paint them in Spain's colors.

**L:** -Paints Mello-

**Near:** -Paints Matt-

**Pillow: **Now we've got a couple of losers! Yayy!

**Mello:** -Eye twitch- What did you call me?

**Pillow: **Now now! Don't be a sore loser. Spain won fair and square.

**Mello:** -Shrieks- IF I WAS RULER OF THIS WORLD SPAIN WOULD BE IN THE DUST! I AM THE BEST!

**Matt:** Ooo I love it when you're all high and mighty like this Mello!

**Mello:** -Sits- Anyways... Next question?

**Pillow: **-Horror look- Yes... last one from _Kyosuke Lawliet _to L and B: _"reallY? well i have one to say...if the netherlands lose, i'll think a worse dare than what I did here."_

**L:** That sounds fair.

**B:** -Nods-

**Pillow: **Beyond, I forgot you were here!

**B:** Mhm...

**Pillow:** Anyways, next set of questions come from, _Josefin Tonks! _And yes, you did spell questions right! Well, first question is, _"(L) Have you been sexual haressed by B ot Light?" _

**L: **Neither. I initiate the sexual activity. Because... I am seme.

**Pillow:** -Raises eyebrows- Alright... Next question! Because we don't want to hear about anymore of L's sex life!

**Fangirls:** -Shrieks and rampages-

**Pillow:** Since when were the fangirls apart of this?

**L:** Sorry, they're mine. And I think some are Mello's. -Calls to fangirls- Bitches! Calm!

**Fangirls:** YES MY LORD!

**Mello's fangirls:** Don't tell us what to do! We're here for Merrokins!

**Mello:** Hush...

**Mello's fangirls:** -Quiets-

**Near's fangirl: **NEVER! NEAR I LOVE YOUU! Mello you suck! Near is number one!

**Pillow: **She's louder than all of them...

**Mello:** What did she say?

**Near:** Be quiet fangirl.

**Near's fangirl:** I obey.

**Matt:** Freaky. Where are my fangirls?

**Pillow:** We had to lock them out... there were far too many... Anyways! Next question, still from _Josefin Tonks_, we get, _"(Baginabox) Do you want to rape L ?" _

**B:** -Smiles sweetly- Oh Pillow. You're going to get it. As for the question, No. I do not want to rape L. I just want to give him great sex he probably doesn't want. And I am seme...

**L:** Beyond, I have told you multiple times that I am seme and that your rear belongs to me.

**B:** We'll see tonight!

**L: **I SUPPOSE WE WILL!

**B:** -Pops neck-

**L:** -Eats spoonfuls of sugar before the guards take it away, resorts to cracking toes-

**Pillow:** If you guys don't stop eating in here, we're going to get roaches... Next question, _"(Mello) I love you. YOu look like me. Are you gay for Matt?" _

**Mello: **As I love you. -Smirks- And you could say that. His ass is mine though.

**Matt:** -Blushes-

**Pillow:** Ewie. Next question, _"(Matt) Play The Sims?"_

**Matt:** From time to time. Not really my favorite game though.

**Pillow: **_"(Near) Do you like toothpaste?" _Odd question...

**Near:** I should assume so. I must brush my teeth. Hygiene is important to me. My favorite toothpaste would be strawberry. That's also my favorite flavor of ice cream. Rester always gets me some. You know, he's like the father I never had. L isn't a fatherly figure because sometimes he touches me inappropriately. Rester keeps his hands to himself. And that's why I like him for a father.

**Pillow:** Thank you, Near. You sure like to talk a lot.

**Near:** Yes, sometimes I don't even know what I'm saying. I just like the sound of my own voice. Speaking of things that I like, I enjoy-

**Mello: **Wait... L touches you?

**Near:** -Blinks- I don't appreciate being interrupted.

**Mello:** Does he? -Glares at L-

**Near:** Yes, why?

**Mello:** L! YOU SAID THAT YOU ONLY TOUCH ME AND NOBODY ELSE!

**L:** -Sucks thumb cutely-

**Mello: **Aw. It's okay, I forgive you.

**L:** Why thank you.

**Pillow:** So now we know L is a raging pedophile who has sex with EVERYONE.

**L: **Yes. -Engages cute face-

**Pillow:** I guess it's okay... that is pretty cute. -Shakes head- WAIT A SECOND! I'm not falling for your cute tricks!

**L:** -Turns up cuteness ferocity-

**Pillow:** -Finds itself squealing- Oh no... what have I become? I-I... L I LOVE YOU!

**L:** Alright.

**Pillow:** Eeee! -Jumps on L's back-

**Guard #17: **-Splashes Pillow with water-

**Pillow: **Pleh pleh! Wait a second! -Jumps back to seat- I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I'm not falling for your tricks anymore L!

**L:** That's too bad. It would probably make you less annoying.

**Pillow:** Last question, "_(All) Are you GAAAAY?" _

**L:** I'm not a homosexual. I just like whomever I like.

**Mello:** I enjoy females more. Guys are just there whenever I want something. Sex is sex.

**Matt:** I like girls. But I obey, Mello.

**Pillow:** You guys are all lying little shits. L we all know you like everyone, just as long as they are children. And Mello, you are gay. And Matt, you are gay apart from having a crush on Misa. As for Near and B...

**Near:** Undecided. I mean... I could like women... but right now-

**B:** I AM STRAIGHT!

**Pillow:** No you're not. Working with Misora doesn't count.

**B:** We had sex.

**Pillow: **No... you freaked her out. You couldn't coax her into bed to save your life.

**Misora:** That's right.

**L:** You're alive! -Tries to hug-

**Misroa:** -Kicks-

**Mello:** Hahahah! I remember writing that in my book!

**Near:** You wrote a book?

**Pillow: **Okay next question question from, _TwilightWindWaker, _this is for Near, _"Why are you so anti-social. You live as if toys are your only friends." _

**Near: **I have not developed good socializing skills. It has been a problem for me since a child. Even before I came to Wammy's. But I did have a friend! Mello was my friend.

**Mello:** -Laughs- No I wasn't!

**Near:** But we were always around each other. And you always touched my genitals and then told me that it's because we're friends.

**Mello:** -Sneers-

**Pillow:** This one is for Mello, _"If you love chocolate so much, why don't you marry Willy Wonka?" _

**Mello:** Because that bitch is old... Unless we're talking about the Johnny Depp Willy Wonka... He's still old but really sexy. Oh but I wouldn't marry him. He doesn't make the kind of chocolate that I like.

**Pillow:** Another one, but it's for -giggles- she addressed you as Beyond the Grave.

**B:** I like that. What is the question?

**Pillow: **_"Out of all things to kill yourself, why did you choose to burn yourself to death."_

**Mello:** Oh well the reason-

**B:** Mello... It's my story.

**Mello:** But I wrote it.

**B:** Anyways, I killed myself or rather tried to kill myself with fire because I was supposed to be the last victim. First it was strangulation, then blunt force trauma, next was stabbing, and then last was immolation. So I set myself on fire. Also, because I had assumed it was quicker and easier.

**L:** But it didn't work. Aren't you glad you're alive?

**B:** Hardly.

**Pillow:** Matt, you don't have a question. The last one from _TwilightWindWaker_ is for L, _"Why haven't you made a move on Light yet? Sure he's kind of an ass but you were bound to die sooner or later and a friend was as far as you could get. (its sad really)"_

**L:** Who said I haven't made a move on Yagami-Kun? And Watari was always my friend.

**Pillow:** Just answer the question...

**L:** I believe I have even though he's too old...

**Pillow:** Hmph... Next set of questions are from XxX-_Curly-Wurly-XxX_. Mind if I just call you _Curly-Wurly_? Anyways, her first question is for Beyond, _"Hehehe Oh Beyond, you crack me up! XD (See? I got your name right! RESPECT!) Um so why do you always eat your jam with your hands? Why not use a spoon?"_

**B:** I do have respect. -Nods deeply- I prefer most of my foods from my fingers. A metallic taste from a spoon never tastes good. I believe we can all agree.

**Matt:** You can't even taste the metal.

**B:** Oh I can, Mail... I-I mean Matt.

**L:** -Falls out of chair-

**Pillow:** Next question, _"Mello and Matt, how long have you two been best friends/ lovers for? And how the hell do you look so good in leather Mello?"_

**Matt:** We've been buds since Wammy's! And I think Mello can answer that...

**Mello: **That probably is a rhetorical question, but I'll answer it anyways. Because it just does. I mean, I'm hot, blonde, I've got a good body and I've got a hot ass and long legs.

**L:** Mmm...

**Mello:** So yeah, if you got everything I got... which nobody here does because I'm the best... then go for the leather. -Winks-

**Near:** I would look good in leather.

**Mello: **You're too short. Shut up.

**Near:** I'll have you know-

**Pillow:** Near... really we're kind of strapped for time... Last question from her, _"Near, why are you so adorable? ^.^" _

**Near: **I'm not adorable. So I am afraid I don't know what you are talking about.

**Mello:** Face it Near. You're too cute.

**Everyone:** -Silence-

**Mello:** D-Did I say that? I meant, yeah, you're fucking ugly.

**Near:** I think you should refrain from hurling insults at me.

**Pillow:** Next set of questions are from _Metalhead Tomboy, _first question is, _"For everyone: What would you would've been (occupation wise) if you weren't were what you are now?" _

**Near:** I would want to be a toy tester.

**Mello: **Ruler of the world.

**Matt:** Game designer.

**L:** Dessert taster.

**B:** An artist.

**Pillow:** A pillow for a very famous person! Like Weird Al or something. Next question, for Matt, _"What the heck is wrong with you, why do you let Mello treat you like crap? It kind of pains me because I'm a gamer, too."_

**Matt:** He doesn't treat me like crap! Mello loves and protects me!

**Mello:** That's right... -Nods firmly-

**Matt:** Did I do good?

**Mello:** Mhm.

**Pillow:** Next question! _"For Backup, Beyond, whatever the heck your name is: What is with you! You are one of the most intense stalkers since Edward Cullen came into being! Why do you stalk L like that? It just plain gives me nightmares!"_

**B:** -Sharpens knife- Oh! -Sweet voice- I'm no stalker! I just follow him around everywhere he goes even though he doesn't want me to.

**Pillow: **Okay... Next question is for L, _"Why not call the cops on Backup? Either that or get yourself a Billy Club and SAP gloves to defend yourself. And why the heck do you put up with it?"_

**L: **Well, plenty of times I have tried to defend myself from B... But I don't really want to hurt him.

**Pillow:** Um... Okay... I think life would be better if you just fight back, really...

**L: **He hasn't truly hurt me.

**Pillow:** But he rampages around and kills people.

**B:** Um, I don't kill people. I just take the lives of those who are ready.

**Mello:** Quit doing that Beyond... You know you kill people, and you know you stalk L. There are no other words for it... We're all smarter than that.

**Pillow:** Agreed. The man with the inferiority complex is correct.

**B:** -Glowers-

**Pillow: **Oops. I... didn't mean that... I-

**B:** You're dead...

**Pillow:** No I-

**B:** Shut up.

**Pillow:** -Gulps- I-I respect you. Anyways, next question is for me, _"Why do you cut off Near? I'm intrested in what he has to say! Sorry if I seem rude." _

**Mello:** Well, nobody really cares what that asshole has to say...

**Pillow:** This is MY question! So let me answer it. And you're not being rude, it's a good question. Anyways, Mello is right, nobody here really cares what Near says. Well, other than nice people like yourself. And anyways, if you've noticed for most of this chapter I've been letting Near speak. And look what that's gotten us into.

**Near:** I think _Metalhead Tomboy _is smart. It's true that many are interested in what I have to say. Because I am a very interesting person. Did you know that-

**Pillow:** We need to get on to the other questions-

**Near:** No I'm not done!

**Pillow:** Near! Be quie-

**Near: **I HAVE A CRUSH ON MELLO!

**Everyone:** -Cue horror face-

**Mello:** Huh...?

**Near: **See? I have interesting things to share...

**Mello:** -Leans back and smirks-

**Pillow:** Umm... alright... next... question... -Glances at Near- Um... This one is for Mello. It reads, _"__Why must you treat Matt like a slave!"_

**Mello:** Because he's my dog.

**Matt:** Yeah I'm his dawg!

**Mello:** No, I mean you're just my pet dog.

**Matt:** Now what is Near to you?

**Near: **I'm.. not any-

**Mello:** My hamster.

**B:** -Snickers-

**Near:** I don't think so...

**Mello:** Yeah. Yeah you are. Either that or my little bunny rabbit. Which will it be?

**Near:** I-

**Matt:** Make him your bunny! Because we'll get to dress him up in bunny costumes. Hamster costumes aren't cute.

**Near:** No I-

**Mello:** Yeah. You're my bunny.

**Near: **N-

**Pillow:** Last question from _Metalhead Tomboy_! To Near, _"A lot of people say that you're albino. Are you?"_

**Near: **Not this again... No, I am not albino. I have gray eyes, and even though I'm pale, I can tan, just not easily. I just don't go outside enough to do so. I don't have the lack of skin pigmentation to be albino.

**Mello:** But we all make fun of you and call you albino anyways.

**Near:** I don't appreciate it when you call me albino, Mello.

**Mello:** I know. -Smirks crazily-

**Pillow:** Um...kay... The next set of questions are from _Mrs. Goggles._

**Matt:** What a cute name.

**Mello:** My name is cuter...

**Pillow:** Anyways, her first question is, _"Near, If I gave you a knife right now and told you to kill one person in this room, who would you kill?"_

**Near:** Matt.

**Matt:** Wuh?

**Pillow: **_"Matt, Why do you always wear goggles? I mean, I find them sexy but why do you wear them? do you have some sort of thing wrong with your eyes?"_

**Mello:** You certainly are blowing through these... In a hurry?

**Pillow: **A bit... It's just this is already six pages long... And I want to get this segment over with...

**Matt:** Well, I needed glasses, but glasses kept falling off with the kind of things I had to do. The easiest thing was to do was to get goggles prescribed to me. And I'm glad they look sexy, even though Mello constantly calls me a dork.

**Mello:** My sweet dork.

**Pillow:** Nerd... Anyways, next question, _"L, what is your favorite type of cake?" _

**L:** Why, strawberry shortcake of course.

**Pillow: **Last question from _Mrs. Goggles-_

**Matt:** -Giggles-

**Mello:** -Sneers-

**Pillow:** _"Beyond, Why are you so obsessed with being better than L? Your just as bad as Mells!" _

**Mello:** Hey! It's not my fault I-

**Near:** Mello and Beyond have an inferiority complex.

**Mello and B:** No I don't!

**B:** Anyways, I'm not obsessed with being better, it's obvious I am better...

**L:** …

**Pillow: **Okay! Next up is _chihuahua0_

**B:** Hehe chihuahuas. Noisy little buggers. They wake up their owners when I try to kill them...

**Everyone:** -Blinks nervously except Mello who nods in agreement-

**Pillow:** First question for L! _"__do you have a crush on Misa-Misa?"_

**B:** I wouldn't be surprised... L wants everyone.

**L:** The same you feel for Misora?

**B:** That is entirely different...

**L:** It is not. But I think Misa-Misa is too old for me...

**Pillow:** But she's younger than you.

**L:** Yes but still...

**Pillow:** So today we discover L is a pedophile.

**L:** I just appreciate youthful beauty.

**Pillow:** Why is everyone doing that today?

**Mello:** What's the next question?

**Matt: **You're helping that pillow move along?

**Mello:** I'm ready to go back to the room and try out my new Near...

**Near:** -Nervous face-

**Pillow: **_"Near, do you think you can past yourself off as a high schooler?"_

**Mello:** -Mocks Near's voice- I'm five foot tall, I play with toys, I twirl my hair, and I have Peter-Pan syndrome. So no.

**Near:** Mello... But yes, I could possibly do so.

**Matt:** Yeah, if you were dressed as a girl.

**Near:** No, I could pass off as a high school boy.

**Pillow: **_"Mello, What with the fur-shoulder coat you wore while interrogating the director in volume 7?"_

**Mello:** Because I am the world's best dresser... I will also rule the world.

**Pillow:** Mmk. Weirdo... next question... _"Matt, why is your real name Mail?"_

**Matt:** I'm not really sure how to answer that... My parents named me Mail... I guess it's an odd name.

**Near: **No kidding.

**Mello:** Shut up, Near... You're just jealous you don't have a cool name like the rest of us.

**Near: **Mihael Keehl. Pretty outlandish.

**Mello:** SHUT UP, NEAR! -Points gun at Near's head-

**Matt: **Yay! We're reliving a dramatic scene!

**Pillow: **NEXT QUESTION! This one isn't labeled for anyone, but I'm sure it's for B because he would be the last one left, _"What would you do if I told you that Naomi got ran over by a subway train and her body wasn't recovered until Misa did the same?"_

**B:** Hmph... I wanted to be the one to kill her. I suppose I'd be a bit angry.

**Pillow: **Last set of questions from _turtles in neverland_! _"To Mello: What do you think that Near does in his free time (other than eat toys and do stupid blank puzzles and think about L) O_O And btw, how would you kill Takada if you had the chance to kill her with the Death Note?" _

**Mello:** Well I'm sure Near probably has a good life... Eating children and kicking puppies.

**Near:** … ONE TIME I ATE THAT CHILD! JUST ONE TIME! … He stole the Optimus Prime I really wanted.

**Mello:** And I would probably just quickly write her name and get the hell out of there before anyone came.

**Pillow:** _"To Matt: WHAT IS 687,798,475 MULTIPLIED BY 108,893,045? O_e ANSWER ME!"_

**Near:** Ohh I know-

**Matt:** 74,896,470,289,106,370 MA'AM!

**B: **Impressive.. Most can't do that without a calculator.

**Mello:** Well, we're from Wammy's. We're the best...

**Pillow:** I feel sick...

**Mello: **That's because you're fucking retarded.

**Pillow: **Next, question, _"L: Do you like being stalked by Beyond Birthday..? (RESPECT!) I mean, seriously, he's cool and all, but I'd get a little freaked out after a while..."_

**B:** RESPECT! -Reaches for boom box-

**Pillow:** GUARDS!

**L:** I don't get freaked out, I continue to tell myself that love is love... Even though I have never experienced true devotion-

**Pillow:** Other than the kids you brutally raped?

**L:** I-... You're tired today aren't you?

**Pillow: **I'm freaking dying today. -Sobs-

**L: **I'm not a pervert.

**Misa:** YOU PERVERT!

**Pillow:** I love you, Misa... But... GUARDS!

**Misa: **Nooo!

**Pillow: **NEXT QUESTION! _"To Pillow: Tell me, how much exactly, do you get paid from this talkshow? (I'm assumming a lot, based on how stressful it must be...)"_

**Mello:** Yeah I was wondering how much...

**Pillow: **Not enough... not nearly enough... I only get paid two bucks an hour. Next question-

**L:** Two dollars? I get a million dollars for every case I solve...

**Pillow:** Not everyone is the world's greatest detective... Anyways, _"To Beyond, L, and Near: O_O I have ice cream... what should I do with it? (BE CREATIVE! D:)"_

**B:** Use it to freeze someone to death.

**L: **Give it to me.

**Near:** Eat it.

**Pillow:** Near, L, that wasn't creative enough... B good job! You're so smart and cool!

**B: **You're not getting off the hook that easily...

**Pillow:** Damn... LAST QUESTION FOR TODAY'S SEGMENT! _"To Matt again: hur... it was a trick question up there... and if you answered me... YOU ARE A WIMP! how I can tell? oh... it wasn't actually based upon the question. It is actually just common knowledge :) (Yeah.. I think we ALL know...)"_

**Matt:** Oh... Then maybe I should just stop answering questions all together.

**Pillow:** There's no need to be making hasty decisions... Okay! That's the end for today! See you next time on the Pillow Peeper show!

"And cut!" The director screamed. I felt suddenly relaxed. Slouching in my seat, I closed my eyes.

There was a gentle tap on my shoulder, "Pillow..."

"You can go back to your room now..."

"That's not what I want to talk to you about. Sit up." He growled, it was the director, Richard.

I sat up and glanced around, the Wammy boys had all left, leaving me alone.

"Hm?"

"Look, I know you're tired and when you get to your room, you're going to want to go right to sleep... But take some guards with you or something... And sleep lightly... Check under your bed too. I don't like the look of that Beyond Birthday."

I smiled weakly, "I appreciate your concern Rich... But I don't really think he'll try anything."

"Just... take those guys with you. At least one..."

"Fine." I gestured for Guard #6, "You, come on."

He nodded and followed quietly.

We made it up to my room, I opened the door and walked inside, "You can hang out on the couch, watch TV, play video games, eat food, I'm going to bed. Night."

His head bobbed up and down in a violent nod.

I shut my bedroom door and flopped onto the bed, "Augh I hate my job!" I groaned into my mattress.

"I hate your job, too." Came a horribly familiar voice, "In fact, I hate everything about you... And you know... I told you that if I didn't get the respect I wanted, you were going to die."

"Nuh uh!" I cried, sitting up straight in bed, staring straight ahead at the pitch blackness of my bedroom.

"Yes huh!" Beyond chuckled darkly, and I heard the sound of cloth rubbing against the carpet.

"You're like a monster under my bed." I stated, slowly grabbing my bedside lamp and swinging it in his general direction.

"Yeah kinda- Oof!" He grunted lowly and thudded to the floor.

"Guard! Guard guy! Come here! Help me!" I screamed, "Come here! HELP I HAVE DIARRHEA!"

There was no Guard Guy bursting through the door to save me...

A damp cloth was pressed to my face and I held my breath and waited patiently...

I was a pillow, I didn't need to breath; inanimate object... duh?

B wasn't going anywhere... So I slowly relaxed, still holding my breath, he then tossed me over his shoulder and walked straight out the bedroom door!

The Guard was lying on the couch... sleeping...! Sleeping! That asshole!

I was able to breath normally but I really didn't want to... So I began kicking and screaming.

B walked into the hotel lobby and I noticed that there were many people there.

"HELP!" I shrieked, flailing my arms.

"That man has a pillow that sounds like a pig!" One woman cried.

"No you R-Tard! It's Pillow Peeper!" I cried.

"Don't be ridiculous." Backup scoffed, "This pillow is no one special..."

Then my agent walked around the corner, "MAC!" I shrieked, "Help me!"

"Oh my God! A pig-squealing-pillow!" He gasped.

B grinned, "Yes, but this pillow has to go. Say goodbye Pillow! Say goodbye to everything you know and love. Because you'll never see it again."

"No! No! You guys! It's Pillow Peeper! MEEE!"

Mac smiled warmly, his old green eyes crinkling up, "Aw, I'm sure everyone wishes to be a pillow like Pillow Peeper... I'm it's manager you know. It's such a nice Pillow."

"NO YOU IDIOT!" I screamed, but B started to walk out of the hotel lobby.

I was tossed ruthlessly in a dark black van the kind you used for kidnapping and Beyond walked around to the front seat.

I was being kidnapped! DUN DUN DUN!

**Okay everyone, plotty now coming. Okay so, keep the questions coming, the interview will still go on... But not with Pillow. So QUESTION AWAY!**


End file.
